I apologize once again for my long absence. I hope you are enjoying this beautiful Fall season and remaining close to the Lord. A nice cup of coffee with Warm Cinnamon Sugar Cookie coffee creamer accompanies me as I engage myself to a laptop, determined to share what God has been doing. This laptop is an pain when it doesn't work right. Ahh, but I am just so thankful for this opportunity once again to write and I do have a lot to share.
In my last blog post, I spoke about a guy who was in touch about his latest conversion after coming to know Christ. We are in touch from time to time and He is doing well. I do have another God experience to share. It is about a guy I wrote to when he was in jail with my brother a few years ago. I would write letters to my brother and he would tell me about his cell mate and the icky coffee they had there. I figured I would start writing to him as well. And of course I would share the gospel and the hope found in Jesus. My brother still hasn't come around to the whole God thing but his cell mate did. He got in touch after his release and attended my church in Freedom for a time. He was introduced to some of my friends and we had some nice gatherings at my apartment. He was starting to move in the right direction. However, after a while, he stopped coming around. A lot of us were trying to find him and get in touch. I didn't know what to think but I did think the worst after about two years or more. I continued to pray though. Amazingly, about 3 weeks ago or so, I get a response from him on facebook. He said that he was away for a while but is back now and 'ready to be right'. He attended my church that following Sunday. The Sunday after, he wanted to check out the church from Freedom (that I attended before he went away). He is now wanting to attend the church I am currently at. I remember how hard it was to discover where God wanted me after I got saved. This has been quite the testimony and I am encouraging him to write about it so that people can read it. I'd love to share it on here. I am so thankful for God's faithfulness in keeping His children safe and leading them back to solid ground!
Things were not going so well on my end for a while. It has definitely been a time of growth though and I am happy to finally be able to share about my latest struggles and the way God delivered me again. I started focusing on the world again and what I thought it had to offer. Little by little, my focus moving toward myself and not on God. I can't really explain it but everything was feeling off base. I was becoming sad, angry, hurt, and a lot of times just reacting in ways I normally don't. It was more like I was disillusioned for a while because nothing made sense, nor was it clear. I became so discontented because of this that I abruptly quit my job at the coffee shop. I was convinced that a better one had come along and I took the advice to just 'do what I want'. I don't want to say much more than that because it was just so out of character for me. This happened only a couple weekends ago on Saturday, so it is all really fresh. I managed to make it to church that Sunday and of course talked about what I did. It didn't take long for God to open my eyes to see that I did something terribly wrong. That in the process, I didn't just hurt myself, but those around me. And there was no way God would bless my efforts since what I did was wrong and didn't honor Him. I didn't wait in my attempt to make things right though.
Continuing on to what God did in the process: I cried so much that Sunday. God spoke to me through my pastor. It was very humbling but I am thankful he spoke the truth to me. I am good friends with Pastor Joe and his wife Carrie. They've known me since I got saved so they understand me quite well. My son and I were invited to spend that afternoon at their house which I was so thankful for. Seriously, it didn't take much to set me off into tears that day and I needed that. I was so broken, I felt lost and I didn't feel the least bit worthy to be used by God after what I had done. My pastor's wife Carrie, my son and I were just hanging out in the kitchen. Joe was getting ready to watch the game but he came into the kitchen to encourage me. He was talking about how God knows these things before they happen and that He sees our every day (I can't remember exactly what along these lines). I then started to think about Psalm 139. God saw our every day before even one of them came to pass. Joe then, left the room. I asked Carrie if she minded that I read Psalm 139 and she said "Sure!". So I did. When I had finished, I could tell that she was moved. She told me that dad had passed away many years before and that psalm 139 happened to be his favorite psalm. In addition to that, it would've been his birthday that day. She said "See, God is using you!" I couldn't help but cry. God does work in mysterious ways. I was then reminded of Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. This encouraged me so much!
And there is more! I know this is long but please bear with me.
During this time, I had turned down this other job offer because it didn't seem right to me. I knew I had to reconcile with the hotel and coffee shop. I am so thankful that the general manager is a Christian and that he understood what I was going through spiritually and that sometimes we just do the wrong thing. I met with him last Friday actually. That was also the day I had left town with a small group of women from my church for a Fall Women's Retreat. I can't tell you how perfect God's timing is. I needed to get away and it was truly a blessed weekend. We returned on Sunday so we weren't at church for service. I got home and after settling a bit, I check my facebook. I spent the week off for a time of fasting but returned that day. After watching a video of Lucrae's testimony that someone had posted, I watched Brian Welsh's testimony. He is a musician from Korn. I've seen another video of his testimony and it is just awesome! I can't explain it but I had this incredible urge to start a group called God Stories. A place where people can share their personal story about how God came into their lives. Only two people have joined this far and I am the only one so far who shared. This is the fun part! The next morning, I check my email and see a message from my pastor. He said that his son had come across my post about God testimonies. He said he had to smile and wait till I listen to Sunday's message. I couldn't wait long to listen to it. It just so happens it was about how if we received Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we have a God tesimony and he encouraged us to tell it. That sermon was out of 1 John 1:1-4 which says, "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life—the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us—that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete." I am so so totally amazed by this. God had brought me revelation and this was Him confirming it. I was filled with smiles, tears and laughter while listening to this message. God used this difficult time to reveal more of Himself to me. My desire to experience more of Him has grown.
I don't think a lot of people are fully aware that there is unlimited access to knowing and experienceing God more. My pastor was praying for us at our church, that we would experience more of God. I know I have and I am excited to tell about it. I am happy to say that after a lot of prayer, I will be resuming my job as a barista at the coffee shop. I know that is where God wants me right now and I will not move until God tells me to and I will do things the right way.
We are so prone to fall...and we will. We are not automatically made perfect when we become a Christian. God takes our broken lives and He restores us to make our lives beautiful and whole. He takes each and every ugly circumstance, using it for the good. I hope and pray you get to experience that for yourself as well.
Till next time...
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