I am so blessed to have this time to share the work that God is doing in my life. It has been quite the struggle getting back to this place spiritually and having the desire to write. There is just so much that God has brought to light and He has given me the strength to see things through His eyes. During my last post, I shared about how someone I knew had ended his life. This has been an absolutely horrific thing to go through. A lot of light was shed on the situation and although my heart is pained at this loss, I am relieved to know that I had no reason to feel as guilty as I did. It took a very long time to see that. But God knew what I needed in my heart, to at least have some peace. There are so many things that we as fallen humans don't understand. But God has shown me so much, that made me realize I don't need to understand it all. He meets those in need in the darkest of places. And even though we don't have all the answers, God does. We just can't understand things as clearly on this side. But someday, we will.
I had a pretty good day. Still needing to let things absorb, but healing takes time. I have seen God's hands move in prayer and I have faith He will continue to bring us all the healing we need. But on the side of praying for healing and strength, I have had a lot of time to just sit and spend with God. I had the day off and I just really needed Him to help put my focus back on the things He has for me. One of my favorite prayers is asking God to open my eyes to the things He wants to show me. Sometimes, He just reveals the truth about things, which can be painful. Other times, He does other things that make my heart all warm and fuzzy.
Yesterday, my son and I had to stop and get groceries. I wanted to stop at Old Navy spur of the moment, but it turned out they were closed. So, I thought let's just go to Bed Bath and Beyond. They were right next door to Old Navy, and they have a great selection of things to look at. We started walking around and then my son noticed some pet type things and said we should get that for my parents dogs. I then remembered that my dad's birthday is coming up and we should look for a gift. We walked all throughout the store and I had no idea what to get for him. We found this thing called a Butter Boy that helps butter corn on the cob. I thought that's a good one. We continued walking through the store and near the end, I had no idea. But we ended up finding outdoor games for camping or grilling out. They had the game which is a bean bag toss, but turns out it's also called Corn Hole. My son said that would be a good one. I thought perhaps he was right and so we bought it. --So, tonight, as I was making dinner, I wrapped all the gifts in Christmas wrap, because that is all I have right now. We also bought a dog treat container last night while grocery shopping. I thought it would be nice since they make their own dog treats. After dinner and getting things situated, we thought it would be nice to surprise my dad with his gifts. His birthday is on Wednesday and I have to work that evening. He liked his gifts a lot. And when he opened the big box, he was excited and told me about how he woke up at 3:30am this morning because he couldn't sleep. He turned on his tv and they were playing Corn Hole. He thought it would be fun to play. I didn't think as much about it for some reason when I was there. I was just like cool. But when I got home and spent some time in prayer, I realized that God orchestrated all of this. Even though my dad work up so early. I didn't mention this tonight. So it will be a story for later. I'm filled with joy. I wanted to call my parents, but it's late now and they are sleeping. These are the kinds of things God does. I'll make a swift move to do something and not realize it till later. God works in mysterious ways!
There is more I would like to share before I call it a night. I just spent some time praying. I just wanted to Thank God for what He did. Directing my steps and allowing my dad to experience it also. Although he'll know more when I can share all of that. But after praying, I wanted to read. I opened the Bible and kind of flipped through it, and stopped by Psalm 20 & 21 Those are the two I felt I should read. As I read Psalm 20, verse 4 stood out to me. It says, May he grant your heart's desires and make all your plans succeed. I was thinking how it reminded me of a special verse that I hold dear to my heart. I then started reading Psalm 21. And in verse 2 it says, For you have given him your heart's desire; you have withheld nothing he requested. I wasn't sure if there was going to be more in the Psalm after that, but I felt this was it for now. The verse I hold dear is Psalm 37:4. God has revealed it to me so much over the years. Of course it has been a while. But He brought it to me today. Psalm 37:4 says, Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires. That is exactly what I was doing today as I sat outside enjoying the beautiful weather. My heart is flooded with joy and it is like nothing else. These moments of wonder that God brings. His word is so powerful!
One more thing, God has answered prayer for my dear sister Angie. She has been going through some rough times and asked me to pray. I did, and HE was quick to answer. We do go through times were we feel disconnected in a sense. It's not a good feeling at all, because God is our lifeline. But it just happens in this fallen world and in our fallen bodies. Today, she was able to meet with God again and is feeling closer to Him. Even though we are far apart, God brings us close together in Spirit and in Truth.
I hope you are encouraged by this post. Maybe you know God, or maybe you don't. We all have access to the One who created us. He gives order to this messy world in which we live and there is hope for everyone. So, if you want to know how to experience God in the most radical way, talk with Him. If you have the desire, surely God wants to make it a personal experience for you. If you aren't sure where to start, feel free to reach out to me. I'm not a perfect person, but God has delivered me from death and I want everyone to know Him the way I do. Good night.
